Deadpool’s twins
by XxxxMiaxxxX
Summary: Deadpool had twins with Zeus from a one night stand and is always high. Its fucking weird.
1. Zeus

Zeus, a big and powerful man, strolled up to the rabbit as his children, Jade and Spade followed. Of course they didn't know that their father was Deadpool (Wade Wilson.) They couldn't know! The twins were sneaky as hell and they would most definitely go and find Wade which would create a mountain of problems - more commonly known as Wade has no idea that he has children. He would probably freak out if he knew, but he would get used to it in time. Who knows, he may be a really amazing father. But it is really unlikely, considering his day to day job.

As Zeus walked slowly and stealthily towards the rabbit, he noticed that his children really couldn't care less about hunting. Jade was doing a tik tok and Spade was checking his Instagram status. "Kids are assholes nowadays." Zeus muttered to himself, cursing whoever invented technology. Being a father isn't all good, he thought bitterly, the job description didn't mention the kids being stubborn or vindictive. Then, a thought crossed Zeus' mind - imagine Wade having to be a father! He chuckled and hoped that someday he would have to do so. Sure, Wade missed the first 10 years of his kids lives, but that doesn't mean he can't be there for the rest of their lives.

If Zeus had of been concentrating on the rabbit, he would've noticed that the rabbit was slightly different. If you looked close enough, you could see it had razor sharp teeth and murderous black eyes. He would've known that that was a force of evil in disguise, a force of evil that was ready to pounce on the almighty Zeus. But sadly, Zeus was concentrating on how different his kids are to himself.

The rabbit pounced and sunk its razor sharp teeth into Zeus. He yelped, knowing instantly that he was just bitten by pure evil and it was slowly working its deathly magic into him. Once again, it pounced and bit his penis, blood critically flowed out and Zeus knew his time was up. He gave up and lay down on the ground, waiting for death to come and carry him into the afterlife. The evil rabbit ran off, knowing that its demonly work was done and the mission was completed. Zeus was slowly dying. He rolled onto his side, to face his children, and he noticed that they were instagraming everything live. "PUT THE FUCKING PHONE DOWN YOU TWATS!" He shouted, annoyed. They carried on for It "Gave them more views!"

"I'm dying Spade and Jade, that rabbit was made of the purest evil and it has worked its way into my body!" Zeus exclaimed, his emotion showing on his face.

"So basically your cum is now evil?" asked Spade, he has always been a weido,

"Well... um... basically yes - but that's not the point! The point is I'm dying so you aren't going to have anywhere to live, so you will have to go to your other dad." explained Zeus.

The shock showed on the twins face. Then the confusion. Then shock, again.

"That isn't even fucking possible because you are both guys!" Jade shouted, making some sort of sense in the whole matter.

"Well," started Zeus embarrassed, "Me and you dad had a one night stand and I was lonely as hell so I enchanted myself to get pregnant. But it is the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Oh. My. Shitting. God!" the twins exclaimed in unison, making Zeus cringe out of embarrassment.

"Well, your dad is Deadpool, or less commonly known as Wade Wilson." whispered Zeus as he took his shallow, last breath.

The twins looked at each other and they instantly knew that it was going to be a long and dreary journey.


	2. Travel

Spade and Jade didn't wait around for social services to pick them up, they just set off for America. Once Zeus was completely dead they silently and solemnly dug out a grave in their backyard. Jade carefully placed his jewellery, photographs and magical possessions on top of him whilst Spade blessed his soul. They piled the dirt back on top of the deceased body and both said a few words.

"You were a great dad for 10 years but you could be really fucking annoying and your instagram account was crap! God learn how to take a picture you prick. Well anyway you will sorta be missed." said Spade, nodding his head vigorously.

"Daddy I will miss you because i was always your pretty girl but I agree with Spade. Not to mention the fact that you were a complete pussy and got killed by a shitting rabbit. Oh well!" commented jade, taking a picture on snapchat.

With that, they walked off and looked up 'Wade Wilson' on google. First it came up with a porn star but then there was an article about Wade Wilson - it stated that he lives in Jersey, USA.

"BINGO!" shouted Jade excitedly.

They both went and said farewell to their rooms and packed up their favorite belongings and technology. Spade made sure to collect his five tons of cocain hiding under his dresser and his three packets of viagra (He was feeling a bit stressed so he also took a boner pill.)

So they both set off for Jersey to find their so called dad - Wade. On the plane they both seemed really nervous, they wondered what his reaction would be when he finds out he has not one, but two kids! Thinking about it all made Spade super stressed so he sneakily smoked some marijuana in the plane bathroom.

After the dreary 10 hour flight they both snuck out of the airport, seeing as they had no passport, and into Jersey. They savoured the first few moments of Jersey life, Aka chaos. Fucking chaos.

"Such simpletons!" Exclaimed Jade.

"Yeah, they are real fucking idiots these humans, being a god is so much more ... easier." Replied Spade, chuckling at the thought of humans being a god.

"Hey Spade, did you know that the Jonas brothers grew up here in Jersey. I wouldn't mind getting a piece of them." She said dreamily, gaining a mischievous glint in her eye.

"You, my dear sister, are a shitting fangirl who is really creepy at times. But I do love ya!" Shouted Spade, who had heard enough about the Jonas Brothers to last him a lifetime. They both looked at each other and burst into laughter. At least we have each other, they both thought, smiling.

They rode on a public bus for about 40 minutes through Jersey. Jade "claimed" to of seen Kevin Jonas at a hot dog stand but Spade didn't believe her. Then, they got off the bus and followed google maps to the address they had managed to pick up at a local club, the dude at the bar said he knew wade personally and when they told him the circumstance, he hanged over his address. He said he believed them because they looked really alike to wade. "Beware though, wade has a team of friends and they might not like you getting in the way" the bartender told them. Spade looked a bit nervous but Jade just smiled.

So they followed the address they had been given and they came up to a and warehouse, covered in colourful graffiti. Spade was a very artistic person so he was mesmerised by the drawings but jade just scoffed. They cautiously walked up to the minuscule entrance to the warehouse and knocked. No answer. They knocked again, much harder. No answer again.

So, they opened the door themselves and walked into the warehouse. It was decorated quite homely and it seemed nice. Spade could smell Calvin Klein eternity aftershave and he smiled. They looked around for a bit until they noticed a little room to the right of the warehouse, under the stairs. They walked through the door and there stood Deadpool himself, surrounded by a girl with an Afro, a kid who looked about 15 and a guy covered in metal, who looked really intimidating. They all turned to look at Spade and Jade.

Spade didn't move and he looked like he was about to pass out but jade stayed confident and smart. She smiled a sweet smile and said, "Are you Wade Wilson?"

Deadpool looked at her quizzically and nodded.

"Well I'm not sure if you know exactly who we are but we are your kids, Jade and Spade."


End file.
